Restaurant Review: Le Bon Oeuf

“Garnish without merit” is fast becoming the mantra of the modern brunch establishment. Nowhere has this particular charge taken flight more enigmatically than at the Lower East Side’s newest such restaurant, Le Bon Oeuf.

In the particular corner of Manhattan in which Oeuf is situated, the well-worn cultural mainstay of “weekend brunch” has studded the culinary landscape with eateries catering to evangelists of the bottomless mimosa. It is here that the veritable Easter parade of revelers descends each weekend from such far flung locales as Hell's Kitchen and Williamsburg, eager to partake in the weekly rite of passage. A spray-painted mural of angel wings adorns the building facade adjacent to Oeuf’s entrance, inspiring the occasional photo op while simultaneously begging the question, “Is it still considered graffiti if it increases property value?” This past Sunday, as rays of the noon-day sun fell, like clockwork, upon curbside chalk easels enticing those in search of an excuse to imbibe indiscriminately, this reviewer took his seat at Oeuf. Very well, my dear readers. The stage is set. Let’s brunch!

The décor at Oeuf marries wall to wall white tile backsplash and Restoration Hardware surplus industrial fixtures sporting near-ubiquitous faux patina with a surplus of hanging plants of ambiguous genus to bridge the esthetic gap between greenhouse and gastropub.

The first course consisted of a “garden” salad advertised to contain no less than 9 of the following 10 items: Arugula-Mesclun mix, Andive, Multi-colored “Organic” Cherry Tomatoes, Crushed Walnuts, Date Slivers, Farm-Fresh Goat Cheese, “Organic” Blueberries, Roasted Red Peppers, Sun-Dried Tomatoes and a “House-Made” Plum-Raspberry Vinaigrette. The combination of fibrous and fruity has never been pushed further to unnecessary extreme than on this plate. Fortunately, for the sake of my digestive tolerance, and refreshingly so, I might add, kale and ancient grains were nowhere to be found in this particular dish, though (spoiler alert), other starter menu items would not have been so lucky in that regard.

Approximately ten (10) minutes after a drink order was placed, the mimosas were delivered to the table. As far as mimosas go, the Champagne was adequately dry as to pair well with the freshly squeezed orange juice. Despite the late arrival, this was somewhat unsurprisingly the highlight of the meal.

The main course consisted of two dishes: 1) Farmers’ Market Breakfast Board 2) Lavender French Toast. To call the names of these two dishes uninspired would be patently false, as the floral nomenclature far outshone the potency of the actual ingredients bundled under such a grandiose introduction. The former, a glorified do-it-yourself breakfast sandwich assembly line, combined all of the excitement of a scavenger hunt at the titular farmers’ market without any of the pleasantries of small talk with the stand proprietors. Included were two eggs (any style; in this case, poached), two cured ham slices, two robust link sausages, a handful of lightly seasoned home fries, two generously portioned sourdough toast slices, marmalade spread, salted butter, all served atop the aforementioned wooden paddle, which, perhaps, would look more at home in a college fraternity than on a breakfast table. Such a table this was not. The eggs, presumably those from which the establishment draws its name, came seasoned with what appeared to be turmeric, Himalayan pink salt, and crushed black pepper, bridging at least three separate continents in the process. They were, in a word, “good”. The Lavender French Toast dish was garnished with a sprig of lavender, which did as little to impart the flavor of lavender throughout the dish as did the addition of the word “Lavender” to its title. The bread base was a dense challah derivative that was neither appealing in texture nor dimension. The maple syrup accompaniment, again, allegedly infused with lavender essence, was not able to adequately live up to this claim. The fresh whipped cream topping had around the same degree of subtlety as chocolate chips would in an omelette. Overall, the dish lacked panache despite its many flourishes.

The Verdict:
Le Bon Oeuf will do quite well in this neighborhood as it successfully fulfills the three central cornerstones that its patrons have come to expect of a brunch establishment in our fair city:

1) Bottomless Mimosas – and quite drinkable ones at that (may be substituted for a Bloody Mary, Coffee, Tea, or a virgin drink)

2) Square formatted décor and serving sizes – no filter necessary

3) A long wait – for the “always an influencer, never a follower” type

Until next time, my dear readers, please remember that the sweet taste of life is always available to those who seek it out… just be sure to make a reservation.

- Hunter Agathiyar, New York Filth Daily